Now I have always bragged about my son's generous heart and kindness. I have heard from several of his teachers and countless others in the school system that he is loving, kind and generous. That he is not a typical boy and that he helps those who fall behind. He is friends with the kids who have challenges and doesn't care what others think of that. He is truly a beautiful child to others, any one other than me.
It seems like at the tender age of ten, when he knew it was mothers day this Sunday he put no thought into what it means to have a mother. He did not show any level of appreciation and when given $20.00 by his biological father he eagerly went and bought a video game and candy. Not spending a single cent, not even $0.99 on a card. His thoughtless ways escalated today because this was not the first time.
Since he was born, yes I am not exaggerating, every mothers day has been a struggle. He is sick, moody, selfish, mean or generally a beast to deal with. All I asked, every mothers day since he was born was to have a nice day with him. Play, smile and I don't know, feel loved and appreciated. Since that desired wish to have this I have had anything but that. I think in the last 10 mothers days I have not had one where I can say, "Wow, my son is so sweet." Each year is brought about by fighting, arguing or generally just hating me for whatever reason.
Two years ago he did the same thing, went with his father to get me a mothers day gift and instead bought things for himself saying he didn't know what to get me. I am actually really simple, so we will skip the idea I am the hardest mother ever to buy for. If he made me a paper flower, I would have been thrilled. If he said thank you for being a mother who spends her last pennies on me, I would be happy. Nothing, he went and bought himself a present. I guess, in theory, if you want to get technical, he is thanking himself for being the first person to make me a mother. Right? Can we justify that for him?
Last year he got me something, a flower or something, I don't remember. This year, NOTHING, he went and bought himself a video game, didn't make me a card or do anything unique, special or even wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Since I took his selfish purchase out of his hands he has apologized and decided to wish me a Happy Mother's day, when I told him he broke my heart he broke out in tears and turned it on himself as all ten year old children do. "Well YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART." To which I simply replied, "Well how does it feel?" HE stormed off crying and I have little to no sympathy for his tears.
I know this selfish trend just gets worse but both the MEN in his life, his father and his step-father, really need to sit down and talk to them about appreciating what I do for him, just as I talk to him about how he should appreciate what Andy does for him. I told my son that for his Birthday I was not buying a gift for him, but a gift for myself, for having to push his large shoulders out. He said that wasn't fair and I am a horrible person, but in the end, isn't it my job to screw him up.
All I want from my husband, my ex, my son, my daughter, my family, from anyone is....
- No fighting
- No raised voices
- Someone to vacuum
- Someone to cook dinner that isn't PASTA related one day of my life.
- Someone to say thank you for being the kind of mother that has sacrificed her last dollar to give me what I want.
- Someone to say, I LOVE YOU!
In the end, we all want something for mothers day. It wasn't him spending his money on himself that upset me, it was the lack of the men in his life to intervene and remind him how important it is to think of our mothers. It was the lack of his acknowledgement of being kind to me and putting the effort into making something for me or doing something out of kindness for me. It is my husband always buying me gifts that I know what they are and not taking the time to KNOW me enough or want to invest the time in going out to get me something that means something to me. It is a pile of it, a pile of everything, trying to just understand why it is as a mother we spend our life being selfless for a world of selfish people.
As my son walks away with reddened eyes from crying and I still have tears streaming down my cheeks I wonder if life ever changes. I put no "financial" expectations on mothers day, or any other holiday for that matter. It is the made gifts and thoughtful touches to my day that make it better. Someone else to take care of the foster dog for a few hours, someone else to vacuum the grass, cook ME a nice dinner. I have been craving burgers forever. You know the two things I did want that cost money, a lounge chair and a nice grill. LOL I will get them eventually, but right now, I am busy still putting everyone else first.
I am sure that when my children are grown and out of this house I am going to travel. Once my grandchildren come around, if I am ever blessed with any, I will spoil them and put them first again. However, life is short and all I want in this life is love. I want this love showed to me every day and on mother's day I want just a little extra thought into the importance of me in their lives.