The Truth Behind The Blog

I always hear parents say they are screwing up their kids. I laugh and think, well that is job security for all the therapits out there. I share my parenting views on here as well as my frustrations and aggrevations. My goal will to be to look at parenting in my own unique way and share my experiences.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Articles about children in psychology magazines

There has been recent reports that sexualization of your children at a young age can lead to them being sexually advanced and at times even targeted in sexual abuse issues.

The world has it so ingrained in the minds of all of us that we are not to blame for sexual abuse. There are things we can do to try to protect our children.

I guess it is hard now a days though. All they sell for little girls is short skirts and tight shirts. Bikinis are the norm for little girls. I dress my daughter to look like a little girl, she is three. I do not buy her thongs, (yes they sell them) and I do not load make up on her. Though we do play with make up once in a while. I do not try to grow her up at all.

I was watching toddlers in Tiaras, I HATE< HATE< that parents don't "get" it. They should have a mandatory psychologist on staff to work with the parents. I get it, the pageants and the show, but sexualizing your child at such a young age is not cool. Do I need to point out Joan Bennet Ramsey. Is it not clear why that was a horrible thing to happen and how many MORE of these girls are sexually assaulted. NOT TO MENTION that they tend to grow up with a strong ideal of how they SHOULD look and often deal with body image issues at a young age. You see these mothers putting on spray tans, fake teeth and over doing their make up just to "impress" people. I don't care how much you tell your child it's just for fun, in the end they think they need to be an "ideal" to please others.

Everybody has their own views on this. I know people who want to put their kids in pageants and I am totally against it if the parent can not remain grounded and let the kid go into the pageant as the child they are. Not over doing the make up, clothing and telling them to shake their ass. Lets get this straight, these kids are 3-12 years old. LET THEM BE KIDS.

I was watching a video once where a parent was encouraging the 5 year olds to grind dance. It is innocent because they don't get the sexual implications but others do. Which is what makes it sickening. Not to mention that when they get older, they understand it and remember being encouraged to act that way.

All cultures are different, but I say, let your kids play in dirt and be innocent as long as possible.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's love, love, love

There are days I swear I could completely loose my mind. My son is at that age where he doesn't hear.... Well it is his claim to fame, I suppose once boys hit a certain age they go deaf to women's voices for the rest of their lives, occassionaly mens too.

I am baffled at how many times he acknowledges what I said and two hours later he goes I didn't hear you. The disconnect is so amazing that I think we are both bound to go nutty soon. How much can one person take of this lack luster communication style.

I think what needs to happen is I need more rules. Now please understand, it isn't that my children run amuck, I have seen that in some households and that makes me crazy. However, there is not enough consistency, and the kids needs to play an organized sport.

He is so my son and I wish, WISH TO ALL THAT IS GOOD, that someone would have forced me to focus on SOMETHING in my life. To this day I am still flighty, I have birthday cards sitting to send, even gift cards and I suck. I really suck at getting stuff done. I think he needs to learn how to schedule.

If anyone has tips on how to teach HIM to schedule his time as opposed to me scheduling it for him, let me know. I think it is time he learns that, though he loves me and thinks the world of me, I struggle every day with time lines and time schedules. I should schedule my days a little better. I would like him to learn the art of that but if I don't even do it, how do I teach that to my son?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Today is Mothers Day F/U

So today is mothers day and like any other day we wake up and have things to do. All, most of us mothers want, is a little recognition for what we do. We are not all cleaning queens or rich enough to spoil our children but many mothers tend to spend their last dollars on something their child something they want or to do something kind for them. Many of us devote time to their school and energy in being there when they are emotionally distressed. We do not ask for much in return but love and appreciative gestures of a hug. We don't ask for a ton really and we get one day a year devoted to the notation of the sacrifices we have made.

Now I have always bragged about my son's generous heart and kindness. I have heard from several of his teachers and countless others in the school system that he is loving, kind and generous. That he is not a typical boy and that he helps those who fall behind. He is friends with the kids who have challenges and doesn't care what others think of that. He is truly a beautiful child to others, any one other than me.

It seems like at the tender age of ten, when he knew it was mothers day this Sunday he put no thought into what it means to have a mother. He did not show any level of appreciation and when given $20.00 by his biological father he eagerly went and bought a video game and candy. Not spending a single cent, not even $0.99 on a card. His thoughtless ways escalated today because this was not the first time.

Since he was born, yes I am not exaggerating, every mothers day has been a struggle. He is sick, moody, selfish, mean or generally a beast to deal with. All I asked, every mothers day since he was born was to have a nice day with him. Play, smile and I don't know, feel loved and appreciated. Since that desired wish to have this I have had anything but that. I think in the last 10 mothers days I have not had one where I can say, "Wow, my son is so sweet." Each year is brought about by fighting, arguing or generally just hating me for whatever reason.

Two years ago he did the same thing, went with his father to get me a mothers day gift and instead bought things for himself saying he didn't know what to get me. I am actually really simple, so we will skip the idea I am the hardest mother ever to buy for. If he made me a paper flower, I would have been thrilled. If he said thank you for being a mother who spends her last pennies on me, I would be happy. Nothing, he went and bought himself a present. I guess, in theory, if you want to get technical, he is thanking himself for being the first person to make me a mother. Right? Can we justify that for him?

Last year he got me something, a flower or something, I don't remember. This year, NOTHING, he went and bought himself a video game, didn't make me a card or do anything unique, special or even wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Since I took his selfish purchase out of his hands he has apologized and decided to wish me a Happy Mother's day, when I told him he broke my heart he broke out in tears and turned it on himself as all ten year old children do. "Well YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART." To which I simply replied, "Well how does it feel?" HE stormed off crying and I have little to no sympathy for his tears.

I know this selfish trend just gets worse but both the MEN in his life, his father and his step-father, really need to sit down and talk to them about appreciating what I do for him, just as I talk to him about how he should appreciate what Andy does for him. I told my son that for his Birthday I was not buying a gift for him, but a gift for myself, for having to push his large shoulders out. He said that wasn't fair and I am a horrible person, but in the end, isn't it my job to screw him up.

All I want from my husband, my ex, my son, my daughter, my family, from anyone is....

  1. No fighting

  2. No raised voices

  3. Someone to vacuum

  4. Someone to cook dinner that isn't PASTA related one day of my life.

  5. Someone to say thank you for being the kind of mother that has sacrificed her last dollar to give me what I want.

  6. Someone to say, I LOVE YOU!

In the end, we all want something for mothers day. It wasn't him spending his money on himself that upset me, it was the lack of the men in his life to intervene and remind him how important it is to think of our mothers. It was the lack of his acknowledgement of being kind to me and putting the effort into making something for me or doing something out of kindness for me. It is my husband always buying me gifts that I know what they are and not taking the time to KNOW me enough or want to invest the time in going out to get me something that means something to me. It is a pile of it, a pile of everything, trying to just understand why it is as a mother we spend our life being selfless for a world of selfish people.

As my son walks away with reddened eyes from crying and I still have tears streaming down my cheeks I wonder if life ever changes. I put no "financial" expectations on mothers day, or any other holiday for that matter. It is the made gifts and thoughtful touches to my day that make it better. Someone else to take care of the foster dog for a few hours, someone else to vacuum the grass, cook ME a nice dinner. I have been craving burgers forever. You know the two things I did want that cost money, a lounge chair and a nice grill. LOL I will get them eventually, but right now, I am busy still putting everyone else first.

I am sure that when my children are grown and out of this house I am going to travel. Once my grandchildren come around, if I am ever blessed with any, I will spoil them and put them first again. However, life is short and all I want in this life is love. I want this love showed to me every day and on mother's day I want just a little extra thought into the importance of me in their lives.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Today was a day like any other day. I just wanted to post that I love my son. He and I are still fairly close and though I have had to give up the "coolest" Mom title a few years ago. I am still not in the ranks of the "most uncool mother ever." Thankfully I have not become the most "annoying mother" ever yet either, though I am working very HARD at that title.

Today, when talking to my son about nothing at all, as we often do, I remembered something profound. As we spoke I remembered how immature and child like he still is. He is still so innocent and I thought, "though I talk to him about mature subjects, can he really understand." Truth is they don't, but you hope that they file it away for a later time when they might need it.

We recently had the conversation about the change in boys. The fact that they develop desires and penises begin to do some very weird things that they will lack control over. We talked about masturbation and sex. We have talked about all of this stuff because he needs to know. I was embarassed about my mother giving me a book to read when I was 11 but I realize that it was the best thing she ever did. I understood what was going on with me and could handle it. I understood what was going on and was able to make better decisions. I credit my desire to wait to have sex to the openess of my mother, it made me almost grossed out to even want to have sex with the way she talked about it all the time. LOL

In the end, there is this odd balance I am dealing with when it comes to my son. He is double digits, so close to teen but not quite teen. He is getting all kinds of information from his friends that is not accurate. I hear these conversations and I am slightly disgusted and I always tell him that if he hears something he come and talk to me about it. He does, but still, face to palm please.

In the end, I love my son to pieces and he is still my baby. I have to remember he is growing up and tomorrow is another day.... Tomorrow I might not have that boy who is willing to lean on me in public. Tomorrow he might not give me a hug good bye no matter how much I beg. Tomorrow, he might be taller than me.

I am not a parent who handles the children growing gracefully. I cry, I whine, and I pout an awful lot. I am not sure what I will do next as a parent, but I try every day to screw him up, I mean guide him as well as I can.