The Truth Behind The Blog

I always hear parents say they are screwing up their kids. I laugh and think, well that is job security for all the therapits out there. I share my parenting views on here as well as my frustrations and aggrevations. My goal will to be to look at parenting in my own unique way and share my experiences.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Children and the things they do

Your kid bites someone, "It has to be the parents."
Your kid hits someone, "It has to be the parents."
Your kid yells at others, "It has to be the parents."

Parents are blamed for everything.

Kids are there very own unique little creatures.  They have their own personality and make their own choices in life. 

Dear parents of two year olds,

They make no sense.  They are still learning the fine art of communication, and often times, they are hitting, pushing and generally doing things that is not deemed appropriate by this society.  What we need to do is work with them to stop this behavior.  However, it is not your fault if your kid hits, pushes or bites another child.  They don't have the ability to rationalize how to treat others, that they will hurt, but they do understand you.  It becomes your job to tell them it isn't nice, that doesn't mean you can change it.

I watched a kid misbehaving at the park the other day and an exasperated mother look to be near tears.  "I don't know what is wrong with him."  She said, "I didn't raise him this way."

You know how many times I say to my daughter, "I didn't raise you to be this way."  She doesn't care, even at 7 she doesn't care.  The thing is the children need to find their way in the world. 

I had talked to the mother and she went on about how she had him in daycare from an early age, how she encourages to be nice and share.  She said, "the daycare provider asked me if I even discipline at home."  You know what, she does and she said he spends so much time in time out that it doesn't phase him.  She tried taking away his toys and multiple other processes but the kid still gets out of control.  She went to the pediatrician because she thought there was something wrong and he said he was fine.

I looked at her and said, "did you ask him what was wrong?" 
She seemed shocked, "what?"
"Kids generally act out when something is wrong, feelings are hurt, they are frustrated, or any other various perceived problems in toddler land.  Ask him, 'why are you behaving this way, is this the right way to behave?'"  She looked a bit shocked but tried it.
Kids act out and sometimes at this age they don't know why but to start that dialogue of why are you acting this way kind of gives them this idea that they are in control of how they behave.  This kid was 4 by the way not 2.  Two that is a little difficult to do but by observing the children and watching when they act up you can help them to develop a verbal dictionary of ways to deal with problems when they are mad.

Learning your kid is simple observation, sometimes we don't have enough time these days.  Just watch and see why they are acting that way.  Observe the changes in demeanor when certain kids come around or the toys don't line up properly.  Some kids don't put thought into what they are doing so if they throw a toy it isn't because they are being rotten it's because it was in their way so they just tossed it, or because the ball bounces off things and it's fun to watch. 

Kids are explores and with out the verbal ability to communicate what they learn or what they see it is hard for them.  You my dear parents did nothing wrong, they have to grow and learn, it's our job to teach them how to deal with people we don't like, move through our emotions on a daily basis with out pushing someone through a wall, and by us doing that, we are doing everything right.  Remember, everyone learns differently, talking to your kid about it alone is not always going to teach them.  Some need videos about proper manners, some need to be caught in the middle of bad behavior and taught the proper behavior in a hands on manner.  The hardest thing to do with kids is have patience.

I run a daycare, some times I wonder what got into these kids and then I remember, they are kids.  They don't know this stuff yet. 

Be patient, be kind,

It's not your fault.  Kids need to learn and grow.
And if anyone knows how to get my 7 year old daughter to stop whining that would be super helpful. 
I don't whine, but she sure does. 

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