The Truth Behind The Blog

I always hear parents say they are screwing up their kids. I laugh and think, well that is job security for all the therapits out there. I share my parenting views on here as well as my frustrations and aggrevations. My goal will to be to look at parenting in my own unique way and share my experiences.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Depression and the 11 year old

So my son has been sobbing and depressed.  He has a lot in his life to deal with, watching his grandmother die from Lou Gherigs, ALS, watching his father become homeless, watching his Grandfather struggle, loosing a beloved pet, stress of school, bullies, etc. 

He is 11, he is at the beginning of emotional unrest.  I lack of balance and the inability to truly explain why he is upset.  So what do we do for our children when they suffer this level of depression.

It seems like I am a pusher, I tell him he needs to talk, I tell him I want him to not hold it inside.  Other parents believe the child should come to them, but what if they don't?  A fine line that is hard because if you go too far one way with your child you can loose them.

He was mad at me the other day and told me how horrible I am for caring and getting too involved in his life.  (I saved him from getting a bunch of C's on his report card mind you but I am the evil one.)  In the end I thought, what am I doing and how much should I do.  At what point do I put trust in the fact that I have raised him well enough and taught him enough coping mechanisms that he will be okay.

Truth is, when bipolar and suicide runs high in a family, when can we trust?  I don't know when the next suicide attempt will be by a family member, I don't know when the next depression will occur in myself or anyone else in the family.  Truth is, I just don't know and so I tend to be in his face over everything and I do need to back down at least a little.

I just don't ever want to say, "I didn't know."  I want to know, I want to be there, I want to be dialed in with my son but how can I do that and not upset the flow.  After all, this is a critical time he has to learn coping methods and self awareness, self promotion, but when is he still a kid and when do I give him the responsibility of self ownership of problem resolution. 

So yeah, we all screw up our kids somehow, I have never met a kid who said their parents were perfect.  Maybe as they get older they realize why their parents did certain things, but in the end, it's hard to be a parent and the only satisfaction we get as parents is when they become kids and we can say, "Yah, I know, I went through that with you."  he he

So remember, being a parent isn't easy, and we never have all the answers, no matter how hard we try.  Just remember, no matter how hard they are being, hug them, tell them you love them no matter what, we have no guarantees for tomorrow.

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